Destroying Destructive Thought Patterns

Destructive thought patterns can ruin your goals and make your life much more difficult. They can literally hold you back from your life's work, or cause intense problems in interpersonal relationships. By identifying these thought patterns, or cognitive distortions, you can enjoy positive and healthy thinking.

Black or White Thinking/Right or Wrong

Thinking in black and white simply means that your thought patterns have no range. They're either one extreme or the other. Today is either the happiest day of your life or the absolute worst. There is no neutral or in-between. The official term for this type of thinking is "splitting," and this type of thinking can wreak havoc on your personal and professional relationships. When people think in black and white, they miss all of the shades of gray in between. Your partner is either deliberately trying to sabotage your entire life, or they are your complete soul mate who can do nothing wrong. We fail to see their human failings and shortcomings, give them the benefit of the doubt or chalk up their actions to harmless mistakes.

Emotional Reasoning

People who struggle with emotional reasoning assign emotion to situations in which logic is the more reasonable response. A person may struggle with feelings of worthlessness, so they question why anyone would want to be friends with them. A person who struggles with emotional reasoning may feel that their best is not good enough, despite everyone telling them that their work is excellent. They suspect their partner is cheating based on a gut feeling, even though the person has shown no signs of infidelity. This is often a symptom of low self-esteem and can be the result of an adult who had an overly critical parent as a child.

Personalizing

This cognitive distortion occurs when people blame themselves for things that aren't their fault. They go on a vacation and their flight is delayed. It was their fault for not choosing a different airline. These distortions can often be extreme. A spouse blames themselves for their spouse's death of a heart attack. "I should have better monitored their health," or "I should have been home when the heart attack happened so I could have saved my spouse." This distortion is especially draining on a person's psyche because they can't accept that some things are out of their control. This can easily lead to serious depression and feelings of anxiety.

Generalizations and Deletions

You go to an interview. You think you aced it. You don't get the job. Instead of thinking, "Well, that one didn't work out, let me try again," you think, "I'm not qualified to do this work. I'm never going to find a job anywhere. I'll starve to death. Many people use one incident as a general state of how things are in their lives. One failed relationship means they're unlovable. One mistake at work means they're incompetent. This type of thinking easily leads to depression.

On the other hand, deletions are the deliberate minimizing or erasing things that would change the picture. At the interview you didn't get the job you applied for, but the interviewer offered you another job at the company that was better suited for your skills. Many people simply block out information that doesn't fall in line with their destructive thinking.

Self and Social Labels

This negative thought pattern happens when people reduce themselves or others to one label or another. A person does not "have a drinking problem." They're a "drunk." The person didn't "fail a test," they're a "failure." This habit can cause us to misunderstand people and attach every event in their lives to this one label. Self and social labels wreak havoc on relationships.

Identifying the Thoughts and Overcoming Them

The first step in overcoming cognitive distortions and enjoying mind body soul congruence is to identify the source. Did you parents either praise you constantly or criticize incessantly? This is a place to start. Decide where those thoughts will lead you. Do you feel better or worse when you generalize a situation? Are these thoughts building you up or tearing you down? Do these thoughts get you where you want to go?

If you desire a better career, does labeling yourself a failure help or hinder you? Think about whether you can share these thoughts with someone else. How would it feel to say to another person that it's your fault your flight got canceled. Would they agree with you? Finally, do these thoughts show you as a mature and balanced individual? Would you want to have a relationship---professional or personal---with someone harboring these thoughts?

Getting these negative thought patterns in check is the first step in living a positive and uplifting life.